GRATITUDE: A Reader's Guide

“It is more shameful to distrust one’s friends than to be deceived by them.”
-- La Rochefoucauld
-- Maxims, 1665

Hello friends and neighbors:

I want to thank you all for reading my crazy life. I thought it might be helpful to tease out some of the narrative strands.

In the late nineties I decided that I might try my hand at writing a kind of pulp-style novel. My intent was to experiment with creative writing, and possibly make some money. The term “pulp-style” is meant to imply a pop-culture, low brow, Stephen King, sort of story. Yes, I know there is much high fiction that is profitable, but that’s not my game. As Dirty Harry says to his boss, “a man’s gotta know his limitations.” If I’m going to be serious, non-fictional essay writing suits me better.

Which brings me to the crazy tale you see popping up from time to time. The working title for this is “Loose Baggy Monster,” a term coined by E.M. Forster to describe the British and Russian 19th century novel, think Dickens, Eliot, Dostoyevsky, and Tolstoy. I called it this exactly because, as it developed, I had a loosely formed idea of the plot. But after working on it intensely for about a year, I put it aside. Some years later, when I revisited the manuscript, it seemed more episodic than than holistic (probably the wrong word here, but you know what I mean). The discrete chapters represented narrative aspects that conformed to the overarching story, but it lacked the seamless connections that master storytellers achieve. Once I started this blog, however, I thought it might lend itself to serialization.

The story concerns the rise and fall of Zeke Pluto. Pluto, who becomes a messianic world cult leader, is the tale’s tragic anti-hero. The other central character is his father, Claude Guerre, a sociopathic monster who fulfills a character convention of the psychological-horror genre. Some of you may have noticed the allusions to Michigan’s Upper Penninsula, as those who know me more intimately may notice the autobiographical references.

On a lighter note, the tall tale concerning the mythical Nancy, AKA the angel of Angel college, and her divine intercessor, me, is an attempt at, for lack of a better phrase, weird humor. I know, I say some sexist, ugly things about Nanc, but think about it, it’s really hard to come up with something funny that isn’t at someone else’s expense. If this can be done, I guess I’m just not accomplished enough to pull it off. For you guys that like it, wait until you read my description of her dissertation's research section. As you know, a thesis in the social sciences must obey certain formal rules, like having a research component. Now, given what I’ve told you about Nancy, imagine her interviewing inter-generational families. Even more absurd, further envision her compiling this data in an orderly fashion.

Concerning the recurring health issues/opinions, there seems to be three modes, informational, emotional, and confessional. Perhaps the confessional is a subset of the emotional, but let’s say three. At various times I’ve tried to emotionally convey the elation, desperation, and hope in experiencing cancer from the inside. At times, I know I sound morbid, as sometimes I also leave the reader wondering how they should respond to the writing. The “Oncogenic Darwinism” post is a good example of this. In one entry, for example, I try to accurately describe in every detail just what happens during a chemotherapy infusion, what chemicals/medicines are used, what it feels like, how long it takes, and what the after effects are. I’ve also included e-mails, editorials, and articles that pertain to non-hodgkins lymphoma. My hope has been to provide an empathetic voice, as well as share information with my fellow afflicted.

The political opinions, editorials, and aesthetic material reflects what I see as my public persona. I think a citizen has a duty to be proactive, civic minded, and dissenting in the face of injustice. As a point of emphasis, I see this as a DUTY, not a choice. This sort of proselytizing also applies to film, music, sports, and literary reviews. For better or worse, in my world everything, including identity and experience, is political (my Walrus posts and Suboxone adventures would fall into this category).

Regarding this sensibility, when I think it’s interesting I have included intimate details from my personal life. While some might feel a kind of projected embarrasment when they see letters posted by and to my imprisoned child, I see this as cathartic, a purgation of physical and psychological pain. By reading this, you’ve provided me a healing consolation beyond words.

In closing, I would only add that without the help of my dear, dear loving companion, Brigitte, I would never embarked on this wonderful adventure. I love you, Brigitte.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, and Tomorrow - Randy.