America's Great Man Whores

“The Bible is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind.”
-- Thomas Paine

I don’t know about you, but next time I buy a car I’m headin’ for Missouri. But unlike Brando in “The Missouri Breaks,” I ain’t wearin’ no dress. I just hope that Max Motors in Butler Mo. keeps their offer open. If you purchase a car you get a free handgun. General manager, Walter Moore, had this to say about the deal, “Down here, we all believe in God, guts and guns.” Praise God!

Speaking of God, finally, there’s someone who knows what she means. That’s right, good ole boy, Johnny Hagee. According to the reverend, Mr. Hitler “operated on God’s behalf” in herding those Jews out of Europe and back to the “promised land.” If only Borat had known about Hagee. Anyway, Hagee says the Holocaust served God’s purpose. So just how exactly was she gonna do this? Simple, as the Bible ordained it, there were fishers and hunters. I guess Hitler wore plaid, “A hunter is someone who comes with a gun and forces you. Hitler was a hunter.”

But don’t blame Hagee, he didn’t say it, God said it. “That will offend some people. Well, dear heart, be offended: I didn’t write it. Jeremiah wrote it [Wasn’t he a bullfrog?]. It was the truth and is the truth. How did it happen? Because God allowed it to happen. Why did it happen? Because God said, ‘my top priority for the Jewish people is to get them to come back to the land of Israel.’”

I think Hagee's strategy was to divert attention away from his calling the Catholic Church the “great whore.” Given the Pope’s stand on abortion, the church better not be a great whore, or any other kind of whore.

Eight years ago, during his unsuccessful presidential primary campaign, John McCain excoriated the Christian right’s Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell as “agents of intolerance” who were an “evil influence” on the Republican Party. I’m glad he’s seen the light. McCain has now rejected the endorsements of two nut jobs that make Robertson and Falwell look like fundamentalist amateurs: Rev. Rod “spare the Rod and spoil the child” Parsley, whose virulent anti-Muslim rants claim that America’s purpose is to see “this false religion destroyed,” and Mr. “hagus eatin” Hagee, the Lord of hate mongering sermonizing.

The pressing question is, what took him so long?