Twilight of Empire?

Q: What's the difference between a pig with lipstick and Sarah Palin?

A: The lipstick.

There is absolutely no truth to the Republican allegations attributing this joke to Barack Obama. First, as Sarah and John would agree, pigs don't wear lipstick. While many animals do, like the Pit Bull and the Crawford Armadillo, pigs, as an example of what Mark Twain called the higher animals, depend on something more than cosmetic qualities as a marker of intelligence. Even a pig wouldn't strip her fellow swine of their innate rights. What we have in Miss Spiggy is a porcine ignoramous that would deny her fellow Petunias the right to choose. Since she's a woman, I guess she can apply her laws to your body. This bimbo is the Barbie version of Clarence Thomas.

If you consider this chauvanistic, ladies, consider the fact that this hawkish deep-throat makes me look like a wannabe sexist. I may be a mysogynist, but I would never deny a woman her right to choose what she does with her own body. My only hope is that it would involve me. Ms. Palin is like a modern day Don Quixote tilting at condoms, diaphrams, and vasectomies, oh my!

I'm a Spermicidal maniac! I'm fixed! Woe is me! My unborn sperm must think of me as the perpetrator of a seminal holocaust. Oh God, what have I done! Think about it, no sperm. What does this say about the shame of my sin of jacking off? Oh me, oh my! Excuse me while I put on my hairshirt.

Pray for me, President Palin. And in your prayers, don't forget to beseech God to guide the deciders on the Alaskan pipeline. Petition God to bring us victory in Iraq and Afghanistan. God guide us in our quest to bestow Arctic oil on our fellow citizens. And God, don't forget the Polar bears. Grant them the power to be like Michael Phelps. And God, please make it so deer can survive on cigarette butts. And God, keep our chidren from conceiving out of wedlock and giving our special children retarded names.

And finally, dearest Father:

Bringer of light,

Mantle of truth,

Garter of justice,

Stopper of tooth decay,

Blessed acid reducer,

Healer of gout,

Please! Please, dear God, grant her the wisdom to know what in the fuck the "Bush Doctrine" is @#$@#$%*GODDAMMIT!