12/16/50

There's no vocabulary
For love within a family, love that's lived in
But not looked at, love within the light of which
All else is seen, the love within which
All other love finds speech.

T. S. Eliot
"The Elder Statesman," 1958

Dear Trainee:

There’s a blizzard today. It’s very beautiful. Shadikan charged out into a whirl and world of white that made her very happy. Muzzling snow banks and leaping through drifts is in her blood. Her thick, luxurious coat allows her to feel right at home. The sublime whiteness of the snow brightens up the world. Since it’s my birthday and I’m slowly feeling better, I too am happy.

We manned the phones, but alas, no call. One of the things we are learning, as you have come to know, is that some things are beyond our control. One person’s misstep, I’m sure, can make it so all of you suffer. Patience is virtue, or so they say. As a person with little patience, it makes more sense the older I get.

In many ways, life is a voyage into uncharted waters where uncertainty is one of the destinations. Some years ago, Alan Watts wrote a book entitled, “The Wisdom of Insecurity.” His point was that we should embrace the idea that obsessively questing after resolution, the idea that the future is a matter of solutions rather, than questions, is the way of folly.

One of the issues I’ve danced around is the idea of you joining the military. I think it’s a good idea. It’s not just that I think it would be a good experience for you, I also think what you’re coming out to makes it worth considering. I love you and this is your home, but, like yourself, I worry about the temptations of the old environment and former associates. Although mom and I are getting along great and she loves you, there is much uncertainty in her life. The more stability we can generate in our physical and psychological lives, the more it will help her. One way to do this would be for you to join up. The time will fly by, and you’ll be coming home to visit on a regular basis. As a springboard to the rest of your life, you’ll have the freedom, money, and opportunity, to become a Vet, astronaut, translator, or even a teacher.

Cancer is a humbling experience. One of the things we have in common is the way our ordeals have made us aware of is why we love others, why judgmental attitudes, anger, and negativity are wasted energies/emotions. A silver lining to the cloud of my cancer has been the kindness I feel toward others. I think those around me see it and return the feelings in kind. Goodness comes to those who are good.

Love - Dad