“Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”-- Bible: Leviticus, see also St. Matthew
ACADEMIC MATTERS
Last week we had an in-class discussion about reproductive rights (abortion, contraception, abstinence, and such). Over the course of the conversation the topic turned to male responsibility in the sexual scheme of things. While it was generally agreed that men should be aware of the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancies, it was also agreed that, ultimately, the woman has more to lose from a lack of vigilance. Insofar as we leave disease out of the equation, unprotected sex affects no change in the biological makeup of the male body. As the saying goes, if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament. After bantering back and forth for a time, the students asked my opinion. Big mistake.
Lance Armstrong! Be like Lance! That’s what I say.
After allowing for the quizzical looks I so enjoy, I Ward Churchilled the little darlings with some outside the box advice.
“Fellas,” I said, “you should consider getting vasectomized.”
Now, being a a part of a contemporary college cohort that suffers a surfeit of over entitlement and dearth of intelligence, I had to explain to a number of them, mostly knucklehead freshman baseball players, just what a vasectomy is.
“Boys, it’s when they snip the little tubes that run from your scrotum -- that’s balls, to you -- to your penis. You know what that is, right? Your dick. These little tubes, the vas deferens, carry the sperm that fertilizes the egg, that sticky cake batter substance that makes little babies and then gives them to the stork.”
A basketball player’s hand shot up. “Well if they do that, what comes out when the male comes?
“Good question, Hermoine. You see, the sperm actually swims around in semen, and that liquid, which you may or may not have seen, is as the pond to the minnow.”
A foosball player had a question. That’s right, U-M has a club foosball team.
“Well, Randy, does this affect male performance, and will we still be able to be virile and have orgasms?”
“Zach,” I said, “you’ll still be able to hit the ceiling.”
A soccer player asks, “so what’s this have to do with Lance Armstrong, and why would guys want to do this?”
“Think about this, Courtney. Lance had cancer of the scrotum. So what did he do? Prior to undergoing treatment, radiation and chemotherapy, that would render him sterile, he banked some frozen sperm to use later. Lancie now has at least two children, as far as I know.”
“Also, boys and girls, so long as you’re both healthy, no more delays when the urge overwhelms you. You can indulge your passions at your leisure, with no precautions necessary. That’s what I call livin large.”
“Now, how many of you guys would consider a vasectomy?”
I think this was too much for them, but I tried.
The subject then turned to homosexuality. It was one of those rare cases where a student actually knew something about current events. Igor informed me that, horror of horrors, same-sex marriage was now legal in Iowa!
“Satan’s-Sex-Farms,” I says. “What next?!”
“Randy,” says Rocky, “Why do these homo’s choose to be perverts?”
“Rocky,” I ask, “Do you remember when you first had an erection around the time of middle school? Did you choose to have your penis get hard? I mean, did you choose the object of your arousal? Did you say, that’s a woman, so please penis, get hard.”
Well, you get my point. One effective teaching method is to use examples from the students’ own experience to shed light on larger social issues.
MUSIC
As most of you know, I don’t like to brag. But last night, George Bedard & The Kingpins played the kind of gig most musicians only dream of. My forty years of experience as one of the top musicians in the tri-county area, if not the universe, finally paid off. That’s right, read the check and weep, we played a Holiday Inn.
But not just any old Holiday Inn. No sir! This was the “Holiday Inn – NEAR THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN.” What better place to play George’s surf version of “Girl From Ipanema.”
Speaking of girls from Rio, there was a convention of sorts going on last night at the Inn. It was called the “Lavender Event.”
" Spring Dance 2009
Saturday April 4th
8pm - 1am
Where: Holiday Inn Near the University of Michigan (smoke-free)
Speaking of girls from Rio, there was a convention of sorts going on last night at the Inn. It was called the “Lavender Event.”
" Spring Dance 2009
Saturday April 4th
8pm - 1am
Where: Holiday Inn Near the University of Michigan (smoke-free)
3600 Plymouth Rd.Ann Arbor, MI 734.769.9800
Take a break in your busy schedule to smell the flowers dance the night away in a women only space with DJ Jenas she spins all your favorite tunes
$5.00 Cover at the door"
I hadn’t seen this many lesbians in one place since playing with Trees at Mr. Flood’s Party in the late Seventies. Just when I thought being macho made me a chick-magnet, I was getting hit on by women who thought I was a woman. That’s one joystick they ain’t lookin for.
This is also the same weekend the “Pow Wow” is in town. So what we had last night was an audience, in part, made up of dykes and Indians. Okay, Mcgee,so those names are politically incorrect, I’m sorry. In the words of Charlie Potatos, “so what, I’m an Indian.” Which reminds me of a retort delivered at the Big Boy in 1968 by Phil Gair. According to Sudsy, a trashy northern greaseball assailed Phil with the insult that he “looked like a girl.” To which Phil responded, “Whatsamatter pal, you don’t like girls.”
So, I’m at the bar, and these two raven-haired dudes with locks to their waists compliment me on the jams (this sentence sounds so gay).
So I ask, “where you guys from?”
“We’re from Oklahoma. Here on professional business.”
I say, “no you’re not, you’re Indians, in town for the Pow Wow.”
I then asked them about the rift between U-M and the Native American community that caused them to move the Pow Wow from Crisler Arena to an elementary school in nearby Saline, a downgrade in venue that has significantly affected attendance and publicity.
The problem has to do with the continued presence of a particular campus organization called Michigamua. Here’s somewhat of an explanation of just what Michigamua is from a Michigan Daily article published on December 3rd, 2003.
“The secret society, Michigamua, and its use of Native American symbols in its initiation ceremonies and activities, has outraged many members of the campus community. Melissa Lopez Pope, Native American activist and University alum, said she and others have stepped forward over the years to protest the group’s stereotypical use of drums, loincloths, headdresses and the taking on of ‘Indian names.’
Native American students and Michigamua members have gone to the negotiating table multiple times to discuss these improprieties,Pope said, but Michigamua violated agreements. While she said they no longer hold offensive initiation rituals on the Diag, issues such as the name of the group still remain. ‘It got to a point where it was made very clear that what they would never give up was their name, she said, referring to past conversations with members of Michigamua. Many Native Americans see the group’s name as disrespectful and as just another ‘pseudo-relation’ to the culture.”
After talking about the absolute necessity of having the Pow Wow return to Crisler, I gave these guys my e-mail, and offered to assist them in raising the Ann Arbor community’s awareness of why the Pow Wow moved, and how important it is that we protest the University’s position on this issue.
That’s All Folks! – Randy “The Anti-Glenn Beck” Tessier
Take a break in your busy schedule to smell the flowers dance the night away in a women only space with DJ Jenas she spins all your favorite tunes
$5.00 Cover at the door"
I hadn’t seen this many lesbians in one place since playing with Trees at Mr. Flood’s Party in the late Seventies. Just when I thought being macho made me a chick-magnet, I was getting hit on by women who thought I was a woman. That’s one joystick they ain’t lookin for.
This is also the same weekend the “Pow Wow” is in town. So what we had last night was an audience, in part, made up of dykes and Indians. Okay, Mcgee,so those names are politically incorrect, I’m sorry. In the words of Charlie Potatos, “so what, I’m an Indian.” Which reminds me of a retort delivered at the Big Boy in 1968 by Phil Gair. According to Sudsy, a trashy northern greaseball assailed Phil with the insult that he “looked like a girl.” To which Phil responded, “Whatsamatter pal, you don’t like girls.”
So, I’m at the bar, and these two raven-haired dudes with locks to their waists compliment me on the jams (this sentence sounds so gay).
So I ask, “where you guys from?”
“We’re from Oklahoma. Here on professional business.”
I say, “no you’re not, you’re Indians, in town for the Pow Wow.”
I then asked them about the rift between U-M and the Native American community that caused them to move the Pow Wow from Crisler Arena to an elementary school in nearby Saline, a downgrade in venue that has significantly affected attendance and publicity.
The problem has to do with the continued presence of a particular campus organization called Michigamua. Here’s somewhat of an explanation of just what Michigamua is from a Michigan Daily article published on December 3rd, 2003.“The secret society, Michigamua, and its use of Native American symbols in its initiation ceremonies and activities, has outraged many members of the campus community. Melissa Lopez Pope, Native American activist and University alum, said she and others have stepped forward over the years to protest the group’s stereotypical use of drums, loincloths, headdresses and the taking on of ‘Indian names.’
Native American students and Michigamua members have gone to the negotiating table multiple times to discuss these improprieties,Pope said, but Michigamua violated agreements. While she said they no longer hold offensive initiation rituals on the Diag, issues such as the name of the group still remain. ‘It got to a point where it was made very clear that what they would never give up was their name, she said, referring to past conversations with members of Michigamua. Many Native Americans see the group’s name as disrespectful and as just another ‘pseudo-relation’ to the culture.”
After talking about the absolute necessity of having the Pow Wow return to Crisler, I gave these guys my e-mail, and offered to assist them in raising the Ann Arbor community’s awareness of why the Pow Wow moved, and how important it is that we protest the University’s position on this issue.
That’s All Folks! – Randy “The Anti-Glenn Beck” Tessier
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