Q & A

“I’m as pure as the driven slush.”

-- Tallulah Bankhead 1903-68: in “Saturday Evening Post” 12 April 1947

“Prince or commoner, tenor or bass,

Painter or plumber or never-do-well,

Do me a favor and shut your face –

Poets alone should kiss and tell.

-- Dorothy Parker 1893-1967 “Ballade of a Talked-Off Ear”

Q: Sir, we noticed there are photos of barbed wire, women’s breasts, and marijuana on your blog. Do you think these materials are appropriate subject matter for an upright citizen and college instructor?

A: You forgot to mention the crucifix and Mother Mary.

Q: Well yeah, that too.

A: The tits you mention were taken from the British cover of Hendrix’s “Electric Ladyland,” (1967 Polydor) which, of course, couldn’t be released in the States given the graphic nature of the photograph. What I like about it is the diverse character of the women who posed for this shoot. There seemed to be no attempt to seek paper doll cutouts that looked like the typical fashion models of the day. I would have liked to use a more sophisticated camera, but you make due with what you have.

Q: Don’t you think the term “tits” is a bit politically incorrect, at best, and sexist, at worst?

A: Do you assume the word “tits” to be gender specific?

Q: Well, no…but it is a bit crude. Let’s shift gears. What are your thoughts on Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize?

A: I think it’s great, this means I have a chance. Seriously, I’m with Russ Douthat on this. He absolutely should have turned it down. It could have shut up the spite mongers and separated himself from the liberal, as Douthat has it, “overzealous Obamaphiles,” who worship the ground he walks on, not to mention distancing himself from a European community bent on making us a part of the European union. Instead, he accepted a “peace” prize while waging a war on two fronts, and standing on the verge of implementing an ill-advised escalation of an un-winnable situation in Afghanistan. And yes, that is the same General McChrystal who covered up the friendly fire killing of Pat Tillman. Here’s an excerpt from Dave Zirin’s May 13^th piece in “The Nation”: “The chickenhawks in charge, whose only exposure to war was watching John Wayne movies, claimed that he died charging a hill and was cut down by the radical Islamic enemies of freedom. Now the man who greased the chain of command that orchestrated this great deception is prepared to assume total control of US operations in Afghanistan: Lt. Gen. Stanley McChrystal. It was McChrystal who approved Tillman's posthumous Silver Star, a medal given explicitly for combat, even though he later testified that he ‘suspected’ friendly fire.” Here’s a final quote from Douthat, and we’ll leave it at that: “by accepting the prize, he’s made failure, if and when it comes, that much more embarrassing and difficult to bear. What’s more, he’s etched in stone the phrase with which critics will dismiss his presidency. Slick Willie. Tricky Dick. Jimmy “Malaise” Carter. Dubya the Incompetent. And now Barack Obama, Nobel laureate.

Q: How’s your health?

A: Itchy.

Q: Can you elaborate on that?

A: Yeah. Over the past year I’ve developed a common skin condition called eczema. It waxes and wanes, but when it flares up, usually from stress, dry air, and sweat, it can be tormenting. I’m not sure if it’s a consequence of the chemo or just old age, but I suspect the former. My recommendation for those of you who suffer this malady is a daily antihistimine, Zirtec (Cetirizine Hydrochloride), hydration (plenty of water), moisturizers (liberally slather on petrolatum ointments), and psychological vigilance (avoid scratching).

Q: How about your friends with the throat and kidney cancers?

A: They’re hangin. The Geester still has his sense of humor. He tells me he’s on the Bobby Sands diet. I know he’s sick of being sick, but as he would say, you play the hand you’re dealt. Professor S., a truly amazing dude, has been on a limited lecture circuit, and has a book that just came out on aesthetics and disability.

Q: It’s been said you’re a football fan. Can you give us a betting tip for this weekend?

A: It’s true. I’m an incorrigible gambler. Since I love the Bears, I’ll refrain from an Atlanta-Chicago prediction. Sorry Skip, the Pack’s gonna cover the 13.5. The game everyone will be watching is the Giants- Saints game. It’s true that the Saints are undefeated and coming off a bye week, and I do love Drew Brees, but take the G-Men. New York’s running game, especially Brandon Jacobs, is lethal. Oh, by the way, the spread is New Orleans -3.5.

Q: You haven’t been blogging much. How come?

A: Evaluating bad student writing is what I do at this time of the year. When you get literary essays that refer to the author of the poem, “The Road Not Taken,” as Jack Frost, you know you’ve got your work cut out for you.

Q: So what are you plans for the weekend?

A: Funny you should ask. The last time The Sweet B. took me to New York was on Thanksgiving two years ago, which was at the very end of the chemo regimen. She now admits it was a possible “farewell voyager” trip, since she thought it possible I might not make it, you know, die. On Friday we fly to Manhattan. We’re staying at the Algonquian Hotel. Google it (what a joint). Dorothy Parker was a regular there in the 30s. Rumor has it you have to be a celebrity to stay there, which is why we’ll be shacking up there.

Q: Any last thoughts?

A: No.