I was troubled by the 12/13/08 Ann Arbor News article about the Michigan man who was convicted of killing and cooking his wife. It seems he’s petitioning for a new trial because of new evidence that he was in a state of marijuana-induced psychosis. I’ve heard of the munchies, but this is ridiculous. Sure, I’ve experienced a state of pot-frenzy where I’ve wanted to perform cunnilingus (Lat., he who licks the vulva) on my woman after a chili-dog-pasty repast, but never--even in the throes of cannabis induced psychosis—have I had the urge to literally dine on her lamby thighs. There’s a cautionary tale here. Given that Mr. Fartz dismembered and roasted his wife’s body in their Summit Township restaurant, it only makes sense that entrepreneurial psycho-pot-smokers should restrict their murderous culinary impulses to those holidays where roasted meats are consumed voraciously as a popular tradition. Also, if you’re going to have human on the menu, probably best to invest in an Old Country Buffet rather than sushi bar. Fartz is doing life without parole.
Just down the road from Fartz’s Crowbar abode in Jackson, another sexy fat-bastard is living it up behind bars. According to the Associated Press, Kwame “Kwanza-Santa” Kilpatrick “Went on a shopping spree during his first full day in jail, spending $40 on food, toiletries and triple-XL long johns (if he’s above the third floor he can use ‘em as an escape rope). Records released Friday show Kilpatrick’s purchases included granola bars, barbecue potato chips, shampoo and $25 worth of Vaseline.” Wait a minute, Kwame, no mood lighting or Jet magazines? How can the Kwamster buy twenty-five bucks worth of petroleum jelly without some penile enhancement materials? Granted, you might not be able to see it, but who cares, Kwam, you can still feel it.
Just down the road from Fartz’s Crowbar abode in Jackson, another sexy fat-bastard is living it up behind bars. According to the Associated Press, Kwame “Kwanza-Santa” Kilpatrick “Went on a shopping spree during his first full day in jail, spending $40 on food, toiletries and triple-XL long johns (if he’s above the third floor he can use ‘em as an escape rope). Records released Friday show Kilpatrick’s purchases included granola bars, barbecue potato chips, shampoo and $25 worth of Vaseline.” Wait a minute, Kwame, no mood lighting or Jet magazines? How can the Kwamster buy twenty-five bucks worth of petroleum jelly without some penile enhancement materials? Granted, you might not be able to see it, but who cares, Kwam, you can still feel it.
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